Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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