Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
