its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
