im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
