my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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