so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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