Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
