I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
