Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
