dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
