Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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