i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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