Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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