Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
