dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
