hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
