I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She said her name was "party"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
