you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
