i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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