Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
