Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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