I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
