butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think my vagina is haunted
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
