The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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