I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
