I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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