Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
