Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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