So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
