It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
