i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
