so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
