I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize