I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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