and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
