You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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