We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
