Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize