look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
