you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
