you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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