You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
