He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
