In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
