we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
