just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
