one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
