just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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