Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
