i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up under a house in Key West
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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