i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
