to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
