Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
