Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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