So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
