Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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