just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
