it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
