She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
