Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
