My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
