I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
