does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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