idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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