i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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