trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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