a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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