I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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