New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Less talking, more tequila
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
